We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
did i just pee glitter
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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