Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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