Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
