Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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