I could make wine with my vomit
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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