You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
