Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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