It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
