You're so nebulous sometimes
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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