I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
