i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
