her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
