I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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