Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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