I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
