OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
bring money and cleavage
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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