you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
