After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
