Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
