Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
