I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
