how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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