Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
where does the pee come out of this thing
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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