even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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