Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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