have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
