She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize