im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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