I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
