I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
