I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
