He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
