i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
