Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
