Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
