Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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