dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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