Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
