The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
