Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
