dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
