problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
