I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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