I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
