Need sex. Gaining weight.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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