I want to stick my p in your. b.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
