I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
