i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
