Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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