Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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