My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
