I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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