none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
