I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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