Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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