he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
