There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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