In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
