i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
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