OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
