my soul wont recognize me after tonight
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
