I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I will be naked everywhere
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I would ride that face into the sunset
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
