can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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