Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
