I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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