I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
