College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
