What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
