East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
