so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
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