Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
