Got a toothbrush?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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