i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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