The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
