I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I wanna passion pit in your ass
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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