Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
