This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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