you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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