hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
