Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
