I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize