Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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