Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
