I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
