Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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