I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
