My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
It's official drugs can't kill me
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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