I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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