how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Randomize
