Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
