Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
