Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
