all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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