She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize