Too much gin, very little bucket
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
