hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
